i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
