Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
