How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize