youre lurking in front of me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
