fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
