I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
