You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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