All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
