Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
