Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
