So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
