I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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