Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
