I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She's the barista slut.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
