You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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