Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
