i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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