Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
