It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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