you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
