Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can I color on your dick again?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
