a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
