Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize