yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i have two assholes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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