it's too hot outside to masturbate.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize