i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
