i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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