You just made me feel so damn special
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
