how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize