My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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