Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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