but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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