We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
