Can i not drive my cunt home
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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