I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
