He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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