It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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