just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
