toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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