Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
