Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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