you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
