whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
