I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
