So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
