haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
