you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
