you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
