so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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