The best revenge is premature balding
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
