the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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