that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
