I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
