i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
