Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
