im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
