I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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