I think I am morally bankrupt
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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