Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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