Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
