why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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