also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
