im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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