someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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