so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
