did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
