Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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