so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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