Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
