We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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