oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
