I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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